Off Duty Report File Unknown
by Super Shark
Summary: We step through the mind of Maya Brooks as she tries to fit in with Aliens she hates and more importantly, who's Commander she wants out of the way. This is for the Aria's Afterlife April Competition! A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.


Off Duty Report File #Unknown

**Author Notes**: Hi This is my Third Fanfic I have posted. **Spoilers for Mass Effect 2/3 follow and Mass Effect 3: Citadel** You have been warned. We step through the mind of Maya Brooks as she tries to fit in with Aliens she hates and more importantly, who's Commander she wants out of the way. (**Story Edited/August 2015**)

Sit Back, Eat a Mindfish and relax. (I do not know if you need to be 21 or if it is legal to even have) and Enjoy

This is for the Aria's Afterlife April Competition! A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum - Off Duty Report File #Unknown

* * *

'Why did every thing go wrong? Why did he not die? And why am I now stuck in a den of aliens?' Brooks thought to herself.

"Brooks, I pulled up my Template for your report." Shepard said.

'Oh Joy.' "Sure, it will go faster with help." Brooks replied.

"We got an hour before we go to the party." Shepard said. "Go over what happened, and write it out, inside my template."

"Ok… I came to the sushi diner, waited, then ran past the greeter. Told you someone's trying to kill you, then CA… mercenaries came and tried to kill us…" Brooks recited.

"Yeah, that's when Shepard, Big hero of the Citadel, Destroyer of the Collectors, uses me, ME!, as a decoy" Joker said.

"Joker, your BDUs have kinetic barriers in them, you were safe." Shepard replied.

"They're not designed for combat." Joker retorted.

"I did fine in my BDU's, I even was fighting in them." Shepard said.

"You don't count." Joker scarfed, "I bet, you could run through a battlefield, laced with mines, Sovereign-class Reapers firing down at you, naked, and you come through unscathed. I fractured my feet crawling through EDI."

"You crawled through EDI?!" Vega, and Cortez asked.

"It was before EDI was in full control of the ship." Joker said.

"I still enjoy the sight of Joker on his knees…" The Crew members turned to look at EDI with eyebrows raised.

"That is a joke." EDI said.

"Hey, can we get back on topic, my report." Brooks said. 'If only I could kill them all now, I would not have to deal with all this nonsensical chatter.' Brooks thought to herself.

"That will have to wait. The formal wear is here. We can continue talking about what EDI and Joker do in private later." Liara said.

* * *

'Killed Khan, Deleted Khan's data, and coned Shepard's team, all in high heels, and a dress. Who says looks can't kill. But still Shepard, does not give up.'

"Brooks!" said Shepard for the third time.

"Oh, Commander, sorry. I think I am still a little shaken up about the murder." Brooks said.

"I know what you mean, hoped we could have 'interrogated' him." Wrex said with a grin.

"Why do I not like the sound of that." Brooks asked.

"Interrogations on Tuchanka are quick and easy. We lock the Sal… the person to a chair."

A dirty chair, blackened with the fleshes of all previous occupants that has been burned onto it.

"We ask you questions. If they answer us, we most likely let them go. Those who don't, the krogan with the flamethrower lights you up to see what happens. And theres a crowd of krogan and hungry varren looking on."

"I like you better Krogan, In my cycle we through you out an airlock, stripped, if you did not give us information." Javik said.

"I have a few ways of getting people to talk" Garrus joined in. "I…"

"If you excuse me I need to use the lady's room." Brooks said as she got up and walked up the stairs to one of the three bathrooms in the apartment.

'Never thought Kai Leng's blue prints of the place would come in handy.' Though the blue prints were a crude drawing that had directions of where to locate cereals, bowls and spoons. Obviously these blue prints were not a finalized version if there even was one.

Brooks was splashing cold water onto her face. 'Going to be harder to kill Shepard then I thought, Knowing everything about him, knowing everything about his Alien friends, still did not make a difference. How do you kill someone like that… A trap, lock him in a… I got it' Brooks opened her omni-tool, and started typing in a message to get things ready.

"Hey, Brooks." She Jumped.

"Sorry didn't mean do scare you, I know it is a bit rough, being around them all. I was new to it too, but they grow on you. So ummmm… yeah, so after this want to, ahhh, maybe get a drink some time?" Vega asked a bit nervously.

She smiled, "Maybe" 'If you are not trapped inside an iridium vault, and the fact that I dream about killing everyone who works with Aliens.'

They both stood there, an awkward silenced took up the moment as they looked at each other.

"Vega, can I have a little privacy." Brooks said while slowly closing the door.

"Yeah, sure See ya."

Brooks went back to the message and hit send.

"And that's how one does an interrogation, with biotics." Liara finished.

"Brooks sorry we got off topic again. let's finish the report. We were at…" Shepard saw Joker giving him a look. "Where you were captured." Shepard said.

"Then you started killing guys left and right, then when you reached me, I was shot." Brooks said, "Do you remember the weapon you got shot with?" Shepard asked. "Uhhh… with a sniper rifle."

"Close, but it was an assault rifle. most likely a M-96 Mattock. The others were using a M-99 Saber assault rifle, which is comparable to a sniper rifle. The M-99 has great sniping potential with the proper scope attachment, its has more power over the M-96, though less accuracy. If you were hit with the M-99, The wound would have been worse." Shepard said.

Brooks looked floored. "but how did you know it was a different gun? You didn't see the gun."

"Weapon" Shepard corrected.

"We call them weapons in the armed forces. The sound of the shots, weapons have slight differences in sound when fired, and on the last tour of the Normandy, We used M-96 Mattock often."

Brooks was filling in the last details on the report, she would never file. "Ammo type?" Brooks asked out loud.

"Yeah, there are many types, I could take a day and a half, Council Space time explaining all of them." Shepard said. "They were using standard rounds."

"This template is very detailed." Brooks stated

"I have been shot a few times off duty. Three times, I was shot at when I first came to the citadel, while hunting down clues to Expose Saren."

"On my way to fists club, two Turians ambushed me, then I was on my way to have a talk with Dr. Michel, which turned into a shot out, and lastly going back to fist bar. All this before I was even a Spectre." Shepard said.

Brooks filled in the last of her report. 'If anything I get a souvenir of the great late Commander Shepard. All that will be left is of his legacy will be his template.' "I am going to go help EDI now, Thanks for the help Shepard." Brooks said walking off.

* * *

"Hey James"

"Hi Loco, what do you want." James said feeling down.

"Sorry the girl you liked turned out to be a Ex-Cerberus agent, bent on killing me, and then taking over my life to go and kill the Reapers with a human only crew." Shepard said.

"Why do the hot ones have to be crazy."

"No, crazy are the people by my side, The ones willing to go into hell itself with me or come up with 1,001 ways on how they would of broken me out of Alliance custody, who could just run away and be normal. Brooks was insane."

* * *

**Author Notes**: Thanks for reading my story.


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